General

Feederism is skewed so that there are naturally more female feedees and male feeders/encouragers. I wanted a topic for ladies and other vulnerable groups to share their experiences and tip and tricks to staying safe in the kink.

I would like this topic to be a safe space. Men - we can't stop you from reading (and you might learn something) but it would be great if this could be a discussion for women and trans members.

For example, real-world ethical questions like: staying safe from abusive feeders. Consent in feeding, especially force feeding. Or if you had a feeder that was fattening you for sexual gratification without your knowledge, how close do you consider this to r*pe?

If a feeder fattens you up without your consent, this is abuse. I would consider it rape due to the sexual element.

As a female feeder, it disheartens me so much to see how many of my male counterparts do not seek out enthusiastic yeses from others. To them, "no" doesn't mean "no". It's a challenge to overcome.

It's all wrapped up in entitlement and shame. They feel entitled to having a feedee but are too chicken shit and impatient to go about it the right way.

And on that note, some of y'all need to be bashed with a steel chair. Specifically, the ones who are either in a relationship with a non-feedee or a feedee who's losing weight and are looking for ways to fatten them up. Knock it off. That's gross. You're gross. Be better.

There's a lot of men here will just dm me about my "princess wand" and it disgusts me. If people make sexual moves on you without consent, even online, I would definitely recommend staying away from them.

gags

I might not be a woman nor am I trans but I have experienced unwanted advances from aggressive gay men. My advice is to just ignore completely all unwanted advances, chances are they’ll just delete their accounts a day or two later.

I don’t dm very often on here everything I have to say can be seen by the public, and my DMs are a graveyard of deactivated accounts

This is not great advice.

They come back. They always come back because they feel like there are no consequences. You don't gotta engage with them, but you need to report harassment.

my perspective is shaped by me being a man so maybe it’s just a volume thing, as there a infinity more men seeking fat women than gay men seeking fat men, maybe I and other men who get these can just ignore it, where as women are constantly inundated with messages from creepy men?

I still think though sticking to don’t talk to strangers is probably a good idea especially on a site like this, and if they aren’t actively posting, so many of the problem people are the ones who don’t post publicly

Can i point a few things out?

I've read carefully the post, but some things trouble me a bit. I hope by pointing out i will get responses that will clear things up.

If i understand correctly, from your last paragraph, the point in the end is how to keep people safe from abuse/people who are abusive. I dont think it matters too much if its in the context of the kink or not, because there are mental tools and methods that are helpful in recognizing abusive behavior regardless of context. They work the same both in and out of kinks. Which also means this should concern everyone who due to their role, identity, or place (among other things) can be subject to abuse in the context of interpersonal relationships, which is also by definition [i]the[i] vunerable group in this regard. Not just feedees and not just women / trans women. So, i think the focus on that is unecessarily limiting. This [i]should[i] be a conversation for more kinds of folks, and it wouldn't hurt the utility that feedees / women (&trans) can get out of it.

And yes, patriarchy exists which means it skews people so that men are more abusive and entitled than women (and in fact i think that patriarchy is why men tend towards being feeders), but thats not the only factor for what groups can be abusive! Narcissism is an other very strong one. And because anyone can be a narcissist and abuse others, anyone in any kind of interpersonal relationship can potentially be subject to that abuse!

Im a bit frustrated, because shouldn't that be blantantly obvious?

Having said that, im thinking that while you were writting your post, the idea of what the topic is in your mind, crystalized a lot (=from vague/burry it became clear) which means it gradually changed, so maybe thats why you wrote it like that?



The other thing i wanna point out has to do with how abuse and rape is percieved by people in general. Im not entierly sure about what i will say now. I dont have stronger evidence than my personal observations, but i also have nothing against this. This is potentially true, and if so, i think its importand to talk about that. But if anyone has evidence against this, i wanna hear it!

So, because of all the feminist strugles and the #MeToo movement, we (well... some of us at least) now have a significantly raised awareness about rape and how bad it is. This, as with every other kind of widespread awareness among a populus, in our current society, creates kind of 2 relevant groups of people, aside from the ones who remain ignorant. Those who actually [i]sufficiently[i] understand it, and can therefore use arguments for upholding it are the one group. The other one, is people who dont understand it sufficiently, and at the same time want to uphold it, which then forces them to hide behind morals because they dont have the arguments they need at hand. Statistically, most people fall into the second group (because of the differences between passive and active learning for example), which means that in general, people in our society tend to obscure their ignorance behind the blanket of morality. So, consequently, "rape" i think is like that. Its morally unacceptable. Which i agree with! I dont think that its something other than very bad. But, if im correct on this, because a lot of people uphold it as such with the blanket of morality, they fail to notice that things very relevant to rape, can also be quite destructive, for example abuse, which rape is basically a form of. And so, i think we tend a bit exessively to frame things as rape, and maybe that deteorates its utility because it makes it more vague and less clear, but thats not my point here. Im not trying to My point is that, i notice how a lot of people act as if abuse is somehow not as bad! And i think that's a bit hypocrytical to the expense of any productive conversation, which doesn't have room for people obscuring their ignorance behind morality.

I basically get the sense that people who try exessively to frame something as rape implicitly believe that, relative to rape, abuse is almost morally okay!

Exxesive here means that, in the context of arguments, those people will stick to the argument that "x" thing is rape, and with that will assert, only implicitly, that "x" thing is bad. And that is something that really frustrates me, not only because that means the assertion that "x" thing is bad is not being delivered *explicitly*, but it also gives an easy exit to rapists (who can argue "well.. Technically this was not a rape, so am i free to go?", usually towards a judge that is too eager to aknowledge that, only because the rapists is a "fellow male".


And those are my two points. What do you think? Are my points fair? Did i do a mistake?

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Enas, I am desperately begging you to learn how to streamline your thoughts. Your rambling paragraphs are a pain in the ass to read. I've gone through this 4 times, and I'm still not 100% sure as to what you are trying to say.

Let's get a couple things out the way. Rape is a form of abuse. OP has made no attempt in saying rape is worse than abuse. You are putting words in her mouth. She asked in you considered secret feedings as a form of rape due to the sexual nature.

No one is saying it isn't abuse. There's a reason why the community goes aggro when someone starts posting secret feeding advice.

The reason why OP mentioned women and trans people (not necessarily trans women - just trans people) is due to our unique marginalization. No one said that men can't be victims, too. But we were talking about people who are at a higher risk of abuse. These spaces are sausage parties for a reason.

And with the way you are babbling on about nothing, I'm not confident you fully understand what rape is.